Whats the best thing for me to do?

I have been suffering severe depression on and off since i was 13, im nearly 18 now. I failed at killing myself from an overdose last year and after seeing 3 pshycologists, which i feel scared me rather than helping me, it was no help wot so ever. They suggested i take anti depressants which i refuse to take cos of a mix of my pride and fear. Im terrified im going to end up in a mental institution which petrifies me. I rarely eat. Its nearly 3 am n i cant sleep, i feel totally worthless and just cant stop crying.. I even planned to kill myself the other night while my boyfriend slept.. Its scaring me but as i said i refuse pills. Is there anything else i can do as talking about it's done nothing.